I know that one day you will find this and I appreciate right now that your now looking for it, thats just you, you want to make sure you do everything right and david you do it right. I wish you would understand what happened in your marriage was not your fault, your X so it seems was a self centered bitch. I think about what she did to you and to tell you the truth I have cried for you, I can't understand how anyone could do that to you. How she could lay in bed with you for 3 years or kiss you goodbye each morning and hello each evening all the while she was messing around behind your back, as well as having him be part of your family life, you driving him to court, all of you going to his apartment to go swimming and I am guessing him being at your 40th birthday, it saddens me. Having to see her at the house is tough for me, I can not look at her without having thoughts of how awful I think she is.

I want her to be the Mum your kids have built her up to be they deserve that, they are great kids and deserve to have a Mum who cares for them and wants to be with them, but I don't think that she wants to be with them, I think she wants to enjoy her new life without the hassle of children.

In all honesty I know it hurt when it happened but I can not help but be thankful that it has, because I now have a chance to be with you, share my life with you and feel what its like to be loved by you.

It is strange to me sometimes that I can feel the way I do about us, I admit its a little scary, 5 children my two needing to get used to the idea that we are joining another family and becoming one really big family, but you do make it so easy for me. Sometimes I can not understand what it is about you that I love so much, I just know that I do and it scares me so much, I just want to start our life as soon as I can and get it all moving, but I know that we are doing things the right way for our children and the wanting to protect them.

I get that we or is it I sometimes bitch about the little things and I hate myself for it, I think it is because i have been so hurt before that I don't want to have that happen again to me, so I unintentionally hurt you. Please know that I love you so much and it seems like a fairy tail to have US.

I do feel some resentment towards your X for stupid reasons. I hate that she has so many of your memories forever of things I will never have with you, having babies and travelling around the world are things that you have with her that I can never have with you and so I resent her for having those with you. I know we will make our own as time goes on, but will they mean as much to you as the ones that you had with her?